...romance...
...oh dear. I try to deny it, to protest at marriage chat, to pretend I'm not that soppy girl, but I do love romance. I don't mean the 'romance' seen in movies, but the love of two people seeking to lift one another up before God and pursue Him together. This is meant to be a place of honesty, and this is my heart.
Now this has been a source of a battle between me and God. I see so many wonderful single women in the church and it makes me feel uncomfortable. Ever since my time in Pakistan last summer, God's been asking 'Why?'
I want to say yes. I saw God do amazing things through my life last semester, I knew the contentment of being in His hand, right where He wanted me. The lack of distraction meant I was so focused. I want to depend on Jesus whatever that means for my future. But there's still that little voice in my head saying 'if You want good things for me, surely a family is a part of that?'
And God does want good things for His children. His promise is that if we delight ourselves in Him, He will give us the desires of our heart (Psalm 37:4). I believe that if I delight myself in Him, if I focus on Him, my heart will come to know His, the desires of my heart will be the desires of His.
Whether my future holds a family of my own, or greater fellowship in God's family. In His grace, I hope that I can continue to depend on His promises. I hope that I can really know what it is to love and be loved in this relationship with my Heavenly Father, for that is my faith. Maybe one day I will meet a boy I can share my dreams with, but until then, day by day He will be enough for me.
Now this has been a source of a battle between me and God. I see so many wonderful single women in the church and it makes me feel uncomfortable. Ever since my time in Pakistan last summer, God's been asking 'Why?'
Why are you so set on this idea of a husband and family? Why do you hold this dream in such high regard? Don't you believe that I can look after your every need? I love you and I know what's best for you, can you trust Me with this? Even if it means that it doesn't turn out to be your fairy tale? Will you trust Me with this?
I want to say yes. I saw God do amazing things through my life last semester, I knew the contentment of being in His hand, right where He wanted me. The lack of distraction meant I was so focused. I want to depend on Jesus whatever that means for my future. But there's still that little voice in my head saying 'if You want good things for me, surely a family is a part of that?'
And God does want good things for His children. His promise is that if we delight ourselves in Him, He will give us the desires of our heart (Psalm 37:4). I believe that if I delight myself in Him, if I focus on Him, my heart will come to know His, the desires of my heart will be the desires of His.
Whether my future holds a family of my own, or greater fellowship in God's family. In His grace, I hope that I can continue to depend on His promises. I hope that I can really know what it is to love and be loved in this relationship with my Heavenly Father, for that is my faith. Maybe one day I will meet a boy I can share my dreams with, but until then, day by day He will be enough for me.
posted by Debbie Sandwich at 11:28 pm
4 Comments:
dead on Debbie, thanks for your honesty.
I love it that God has control and that our desires change to be His will when we delight in Him. And how awesome it is to delight in Him.
You are beautiful and will be wonderful whatever you are called to.
x
oh honey i know this struggle all to well! except my toughest struggle is that of a spoilt brat demanding a pony from her daddy :)
hey gurl!!
wow...thanx for sharing that so openly. Knowing God's plan is perfect, is one thing, but trusting that it is perfect, in another. I'm sure you'll find your prince out there, because I'm sure there is one out there for you.
You know my heart on this topic...and I think we share similar view points, so thanx so much for sharing that!!
peace
girl in the single lane
Patience and trust in God -
Such words may seem - just that words!!!
The insecurities of life appear to draw us into a world in which our needs are for protection and guidance through love, understand and meaning.
And yet the heart has a yearning for the shadow to be human - to be here alongside.
You have such poetic words from the heart and may those who have commented help guide and inspire you along the way.
God Bless You
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