I love...

,,,photos...

2007-12-06T23:49:00.001Z

my new obsession

http://www.flickr.com/photos/dolly-mixtures/

...when will I learn?...

2007-11-21T14:07:00.000Z

I quite fancy a seat under that tree

...space...

2007-10-29T13:56:00.000Z

I've tried to post this so many times over the past few weekes, finally here we are! Maybe I'll do a couple extra photos some time this week to make up!

So I've been challenged recently on the way I 'spend time with God', or 'quiet time' as it's often known. I often find myself reading a bit of the bible, praying for a wee while and check the boxes, that's it done. The photo above is from a Sunday walk with a friend, we shared the afternoon, enjoying Creation all around. This was definitely 'time with God' too. I think I'm going to rechristen this stime with Him as 'Space with God'.

It's not about what I do in the time, it's about being WITH my Creator.

...good stuff...

2007-10-07T23:46:00.000+01:00

Promised photo No. 1: My Cousin! I've been having a lot of good times recently and have realised once again just how blessed I am. I have wonderful friends and family around me, living in a place I love, studying a course I'm passionate about and going to a church that feels like home.

This has stirred up something in me though. Jesus said 'freely you have received, now freely give'. I want more of this contentment and joy to spill out of me. To the people around me. Not sure quite how that's going to look yet though...I guess we'll need to wait and see...

...fun...

2007-09-29T17:32:00.000+01:00

Oops, 4 months exactly since I last wrote. Well this post comes with a promise of weekly blogging, and lots of photos! I got a beautiful camera named Oscar for my 21st, so I'm going to post a new picture every weekend.

Since May a lot has happened, placement finished, summer work started, Clan Gathering, SU Camp and Africa. My overwhelming lesson of the summer was to enjoy life! I feel like God took me to Africa to refresh me, to tell me I'm His child, and that I don't need to worry. I spend so much time striving, but freedom for me is being who He made me to be and RELAXING in that!

In South Africa we went on safari, I would normally have to justify doing something as 'frivolous' and expensive as that. But God wants us to enjoy His creation, His crazy giraffes and zebras. As we chatted and watched Kruger fly by I felt a peace. I realised I didn't feel guilty about resting like I so often do. I guess that was a glimpse of grace, God's riches for me His child and I didn't even do anything to deserve it.

On a lighter note, we also saw hyena poo, which is white, because they eat bones! And in case you didn't realise, that's me at the top. I want to get back to that child's faith that my Dad wants good stuff for me!

...cooking and croquet and being busy...

2007-05-29T23:05:00.000+01:00

...I just had a wonderful bank-holiday weekend, so I thought I'd share about it here. I never wanted this to be a daily log book, but I've felt I need to lighten the tone a little.

I had 3 different people over for meals, I love cooking! Veggieburgers, made with sweet potato and kidney beans, home-made pizza (in a frying pan) and pasta. All with fajita seasoning in there too!

We had a sleepover in the flat, I booked my plane tickets to Africa, went for two runs, and one SU camp meeting. Had several wanders around the West End of Glasgow, some in the sun, others in the rain!

Played rounders, went to see Pirates of the Carribean 3 with a sword and eye patch and ate pick n mix. Led Sunday School at church where we made smoothies and a rap. Shook a bucket at Ikea in aid of camp and then went to Somerfield (with my tremendous flatmates) in my dressing gown to buy wine and munchies.

All this was amazing, mixed in with some great quiet times with God, but the piece de resistance has to be CROQUET! My hidden talent, I discovered my competitive side....

...variety...

2007-05-15T20:49:00.000+01:00

...so it's been a while.

Over the past few months I have learned:

that the currency of Estonia is Kroons
that I like Spiced Rooibos tea
that children under five are NOT boring
that a visa is not needed to go to South Africa
that I need to trust Jesus when He says 'Take heart, I have overcome the world'
that I speak like Yoda after a weekend of pure studying
that pirate dancing can bring joy at ANY time
some York ghost stories
that my eyebrows and bedroom become untidy when I'm too busy
to talk about myself 'appropriately'
theories of groupwork
lots of social work jargon
that it's ok to not know all the answers, infact it's best

I think that'll do for just now!

...placement...

2007-03-04T15:29:00.000Z

...1 Corinthians 13:13

And now these three remain:
faith, hope and love.
But the greatest of these
is love.

I love people, as I've said before. I know that this love is not from myself, but from God. He wants me to pass His love on to others, to love them like He does. I'm only human, so I'm going to mess up on the way, but if I give what I have for Him to use, He will.

I'm on my first social work placement just now, helping with childcare and parent groupwork in a family centre. I've had the priviledge of hearing some personal stories, and standing alongside individuals in their hard times. I've walked through some horrible circumstances with some friends recently too. I've caught a glimpse of brokenness, and maybe I've recieved a taste of God's heart, broken for those who don't know Him.

But it's hard. Not to take those burdens on myself. I've realised that I lack faith. I need faith to believe that God loves each of these people who know so little love in their lives. Even if it appears to me that He's not displaying His affection, He longs to comfort them. I need faith to believe that He listens to my prayers and works through me, when.

I need faith to believe that there is hope.

...the patter...

2007-02-08T23:41:00.000Z

This crazy town is worming it's way into my heart.

...romance...

2007-01-14T23:28:00.000Z

...oh dear. I try to deny it, to protest at marriage chat, to pretend I'm not that soppy girl, but I do love romance. I don't mean the 'romance' seen in movies, but the love of two people seeking to lift one another up before God and pursue Him together. This is meant to be a place of honesty, and this is my heart.

Now this has been a source of a battle between me and God. I see so many wonderful single women in the church and it makes me feel uncomfortable. Ever since my time in Pakistan last summer, God's been asking 'Why?'

Why are you so set on this idea of a husband and family? Why do you hold this dream in such high regard? Don't you believe that I can look after your every need? I love you and I know what's best for you, can you trust Me with this? Even if it means that it doesn't turn out to be your fairy tale? Will you trust Me with this?

I want to say yes. I saw God do amazing things through my life last semester, I knew the contentment of being in His hand, right where He wanted me. The lack of distraction meant I was so focused. I want to depend on Jesus whatever that means for my future. But there's still that little voice in my head saying 'if You want good things for me, surely a family is a part of that?'

And God does want good things for His children. His promise is that if we delight ourselves in Him, He will give us the desires of our heart (Psalm 37:4). I believe that if I delight myself in Him, if I focus on Him, my heart will come to know His, the desires of my heart will be the desires of His.

Whether my future holds a family of my own, or greater fellowship in God's family. In His grace, I hope that I can continue to depend on His promises. I hope that I can really know what it is to love and be loved in this relationship with my Heavenly Father, for that is my faith. Maybe one day I will meet a boy I can share my dreams with, but until then, day by day He will be enough for me.

...baby chat...

2007-01-07T22:50:00.000Z

I really appreciate my family when I go home now, and this holiday was no exception. They're all crazy, but I do love them.

We were discussing our behaviours as babies. I can't help but wonder how much of the character I can see now in my brother and sister was visible when they were babies and toddlers. I was always a lot more interested in talking than walking, and Hannah, being the youngest, was pretty quick to walk, trying to keep up with me and Ben.

We also learned that when she was growing up she referred to me as Deddie and Ben as Beebup, who knows where that one came from?

I found an old cassette tape my mum had got me to record when I was two, back in the day when I had a Glaswegian accent 'Awwww Ben, you want to come and sing Awayninamanger? Aw Ben let's sing awayninamanger'. Fun times. Ach, life would be dull without siblings!

...people...

2007-01-03T22:59:00.000Z

I was 'studying' today and kept seeing these wee guys out of the window, so eventually I went out to pick them up.

Every time I looked outside they were being thrown all over the place by the wind, it reminded me of some things I've been pondering on over this holiday.

I love people. A lot. And God has given me some pretty wonderful people to love, all over the world. I've learned about how to put this love into action over the last year, and I look forward to learning and loving even more in 2007.

I love to share life with people, to share their hard times, to share what God's teaching us. But I still don't like sharing my pain. My father God has given me an amazing extended family, people to share life with. To stand alongside in hard times. To just be there together, beyond words. Those little leafs were being thrown about all over the place, but they were determinedly sticking together.

I don't know what's going to happen this year, there's a lot of uncertainties, but I know that God will be my home, my solid ground. And there will be people around me who I can live life alongside sharing the lows as well as the highs. Here's to a new year of adventures and sticking together!

...hope...

2006-12-11T16:17:00.000Z

It will be a river

my small voice in you

which now trails weakly like a

stream among boulders

it will burn bright

the light which glows so strong,

so long, then flickers

wildly, blows unsteadily.

Clowns now, you will be dancers

at my throne. Do you not see it,

all fears gone

you will wear glory like a gown.

For now be foolish, clumsy,

stumble, fall.

All shall be well

and being unwhole is part of travelling.

Let me hear your heart sing

be my clown

and it will be a river

my small truth in you.

- Jill Harris

...amelie...

2006-10-30T11:22:00.000Z

...I love the way Amelie does nice things not for her own gain, it stands out in our selfish culture.

I saw a real-life Amelie today. On the Subway in Glasgow, where people normally spend their time pretending they're alone, staring at the ground or the adverts just below the ceiling.

As we drew into Buchanan Street Station, many people were leaving. One of them, a young blond woman, leaned down to the passenger beside me:

'You look beautiful'

'Pardon dear?'

'You look beautiful'

'Oh! Thank you.'

As she left I looked at the lady sitting next to me, who I'd barely been aware of. She was perhaps in her late sixties, with greying hair and a warm coat on. She smiled slightly to herself for the rest of the journey and then slowly shuffled off the train at the same stop as me.

...loving...

2006-10-22T22:50:00.000+01:00

...yes I love loving. When my heart is so full of love for the people around me that it hurts. The purpose that I feel when God uses me to show a glimpse of His love to another.

I love that my friends know me as someone who cares, who is at her best when meeting people, getting to know them, listening to their stories.

A few years ago I was set a challenge to find an object to describe myself. I chose a battery charger. I wanted to be someone who could help to boost others, to encourage others. To pass on the love that I received from the Source.

On Monday night a friend was speaking to me from Ephesians 3:14-21

For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and
on earth derives its name. I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strngthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ
may dwell in your hearts through faith.
And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord's people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be filled to the measure of all the fulness of God.
Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

We were praying for one another in our cell group, and he had been praying for me. His prayer for me was that the love of God would define, fill, consume, meet and win me. That knowing how loved I am would be the defining characteristic of my life.

I take so much pride in being known for loving people. What about if I had a reputation for knowing how loved I am? What if it was my understanding of God's love for me that impacted others? Instead of my own broken human attempts to love.

Can I really love others without truly being rooted and established in God's love? A battery charger is pretty useless when it's not plugged in.

Once again I'm learning to stop trying so hard, and to simply rest in my Father's presence, to let Him open my eyes to His love. It is only through His grace, He is so patient!

...eye contact...

2006-10-12T00:36:00.000+01:00

Unless the LORD builds the house,

the builders labour in vain.

Unless the LORD watches over the city,

the guards stand watch in vain.

In vain you rise early

and stay up late,

toiling for food to eat—

for he grants sleep to those he loves.

Children are a heritage from the LORD,

offspring a reward from him.

(Psalm 127: 1-3)

While we sang of God delighting in us on Sunday, two wee boys were joyfully spinning infront of the whole congregation. They were delighting, totally freely. I saw one look up at his mum at one point and he gave her the cheekiest grin 'Look at me mum, I'm having SO MUCH fun!'

And she proudly smiled back.

I caught a glimpse of grace in that smile. I try and I try, working and working at whatever I feel I should be. I often forget that simple truth that God loves in me, not because of anything I've doneor can do, but because of Jesus' sacrifice. As I sang His praises on Sunday I knew; "I delight in you daughter, relax in Me".

See what great love the Father has lavished on us,

that we should be called children of God!

And that is what we are!

1 John 3:1

...reading blogs...

2006-09-27T00:06:00.000+01:00

...but not generally writing my own. I've always felt it a little presumptuous, of course people want to hear what I have to say, as I am oh so very important. My pride doesn't need that, not at all!

I've been challenged over the summer to be more vulnerable though. I've been given a glimpse of how deceitful I am, portraying an image of myself to others, even convincing myself at times. So this is an attempt at being real.

I'm no writer, I'm so aware that I don't want this web banter to take away from my journalling time with God. But I need to communicate, I need to open myself up, to let people get closer, to let God in more fully, yep, even when it hurts.